I Am Not A Woman

Copyright 2014 The Arty Hobo

I grew up during the feminist era, "I am woman hear me roar...," and "I can bring home the bacon... fry it up in a pan... 'cause I'm a wooooman-- W-O-M-A-N!" were anthems that were a part of the musical tapastry of my childhood.  However, in my mid-twenties,  I started to examine my life juxtapose to the idea of what a woman is suppose to be. I saw boys encouraged to seek out multiple women before settling down while girls were taught to be nice and save it for marriage.  I saw women clamoring to be with in relationships that were far gone, some that never seem to take off, working hard to stay attached as though it was a badge of honor. In my own relationships, my ex-boyfriends expected me to act like the image of the woman in their head according to the past actions of their ex-girlfriends, but that image had nothing to do with me.   I watched my friends get married and have kids, but I just didn't want what they had.  I saw the games that were played, the tears that were cried and then the ring with the question that seemed to make everything all right.  To me that wasn't true love.  So I kept searching.

Many woman get their validation from being with a man and having kids, and I didn't want that.  It never felt right to me when a boyfriend questioned our future and why I didn't seem anxious to get married or bare his kids.  There was no karat for them to dangle in front of me because I was disinterested.   Deep down I had a yearning for something more.  Something more authentic. Something deeper.  So I kept searching.  I was warned to hurry up and do this, or I was going to miss out on that. Things I really didn't even care about because I hadn't found what I was looking for.  I wanted to be free, to travel, to explore, to taste the world, to do the things that were expected of men but limited to women, if only in our minds, because it was considered dangerous or uncool for a woman to travel alone or do anything alone.  So, I started doing the things I yearned for on my own, slowly at first, and the more I did, the less I connected with that word, that abstract concept that seemed at war with my true nature.  I decided to ditch that suffocating cloak and face the fact, I am not a woman. I am much more than that.

Now, I have since abandoned all labels, and I don't adhere to any language mainly because it is made up and separates us from what is. When you are mentally locked in and believe in the meaning of words and their power, you are effected by these words and their meaning.  I use language as a tool in order to communicate with you, but since I am no longer locked into the mental-sphere of the manmade world, none of these labels have any effect over me or govern me.  When the word woman ceased to be of any meaning to me, it, along with a whole cast of players, played a pivotal role in setting myself free to reunite with the truest of love found within and realizing I, along with everything, am the undefinable.

Etymology is the study of words, their meaning and their origin. Because words are constantly changing in definition and, many times, the definition includes the word, a derivative of the word or circles back to the word, the etymology helps in understanding where the word originally came from, thus its original intent.  So to understand the how the mental-sphere, governed by words/language effect our reality, here is etymology of the word, woman

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, woman (first known use before 12th century) means "an adult female person, a woman belonging to a particular category (as by birth, residence, membership, or occupation) —usually used in combination <councilwoman>, womankind, distinctively feminine nature, womanliness, a woman who is a servant or personal attendant, wife, mistress, girlfriend."  Now, the etymology for the word woman comes from the Old English word wifman, a female person; wif  is the shorten form of wife, and man is short for person or human.

So the word woman comes from the concept of a wife person. Which at this point has nothing to do with marriage.  So what is a wife?  The etymology for wife (first used before the 12th century) is wif and goes back to the Tocharian B word for kwīpe meaning "female pudenda," which is the plural version of pudendum meaning "female external genitalia."  The etymology for pudendum goes back to the Latin verb pudēre which means  "to be ashamed."  So the word wife leads back to "ashamed female external genitalia."

According to the Marriam-Webster dictionary,  the definition of a wife is "a woman acting in a specified capacity, a female partner in a marriage." Now, since the definition of woman has nothing to do with marriage we will only look at the definition of "a woman acting in a specified capacity."  What is a "specified capacity?"  Well according to Merriam-Webster there are many synonyms for wife: " helpmate, helpmeet, lady. little woman, madam, missus (or missis), Mrs., old lady,wifey woman."  Now all of the words trace back to the word woman except for helpmate and helpmeet.  So what do these words mean. The etymology for the word helpmate (first used in 1696) comes from helpmeet (first used in 1673), but the definition for helpmeet is "helpmate" which makes no sense since helpmeet came first.  Which makes me thinks that someone has done transliteration which means that a word has been redefined or translated through the substitution of letters, in this case the "e" became an "a" and the word helpmate was defined as "one who is a helper or a companion, especially a wife." 

So a wife's "specified capacity" is as "a helper or companion" who has "ashamed female external genitalia" So this means woman is a "helper or a companion person with ashamed lady external genitalia."   A helper as defined by Merriam-Webster is "one that helps; especially : a relatively unskilled worker who assists a skilled worker usually by manual labor."  There is no etymology for helper except that it comes from help whose etymology comes from the Old English word, helfan, which means "help."  Companion (first known use in the 13th century) on the other hand has many definitions and is basically "someone to spend company with, an associate, someone closely connected to someone else, or someone employed to live with and to serve."  The etomology of the word, however, derives from Latin combination of the prefix com-, meaning "with, together, thoroughly" and panis meaning "bread or food."  In other words, someone to eat with.  So a woman is "a relatively unskilled worker who assists a skilled worker who has ashamed lady external genitalia" or "someone to eat with who has ashamed female external genitalia."   So who is she suppose to do these tasks with, one might wonder?  Well according to Genesis 2 as interpreted by the King James version of the Bible (completed in 1611),  the second part of the creation story was interpreted into English as this:

18 And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was] the name thereof.
20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

"Oh," one might say, "help meet is two words not one, so that must mean something."  Really? Well, the definition of help (used before the 12th century) as a noun is defined as "aid, assistance; a source of aid; one who serves or assists another (as in housework) a helper, an employee."  And the etymology for help, as a verb, goes back to the Old English word helfan which means "help."   And meet, in this case the adjective ( in Latin which the the KJV Bible was translated from, the adjective is after the noun not before) means precisely adapted to a particular situation, need, or circumstance : very proper.   Which makes woman just a "suitable unskilled worker assisting a skilled worker who has ashamed female external genitalia" or "a suitable person to eat dinner with who has ashamed female external genitalia."  In any case, the word woman contained in its etymology in the English language is subservient to the word man.  But is this true?

The original language of the old testament is Hebrew and help meet is translated from "ezer kenegdo" meaning, who knows, it's in Hebrew.  The person who wrote it is not here to clarify anything so it has to be translated by people who are guessing because they don't know what they are talking.   There are many different translations of this phrase from, "Yes, woman are subservient to man," to "No, woman stands as his equal," to "Woman as warrior!"  Most of these translations come from the other the definitions of meet as a noun and a verb which would have been incorrect since the KJV Bible was translated from Latin not Hebrew where the adjective is after the noun, not a noun or a verb.

What I do know is that the English translation which governs the people reading this post, was written to make sure that women were viewed as subservient to men and that the word "woman" is subordinate by definition no matter how you think you are going to try to reclaim it. Just look around, women are treated just like the definition implies by men, other women and even themselves. No matter how much the feminist movement tried, the sexism is in the language itself and lately women have fallen back into their defined roles usually by their own accord.

With words like these, it's no wonder why many woman are ashamed of their bodies, ashamed of the monthly divine, running around pointing at each other saying, "Real woman have this, Real women do that,"  fighting over men on television and in real life, cutting into the breast, nose, buttocks, stomach to match some mentally, made up ideal. Many woman question why they don't have any help, why they are always doing everything? Why they feel so alone, always searching for someone to fill a void. By definition there is no word for help for a woman except another woman because you are the help. Your male companion is a boyfriend or a male friend. Even if you get married, by defiition your husband is not even your companion you are there to eat dinner with him, not the other way around.  He is a marriage partner, your manager, steward, your fiscal agent, the one who runs the household.  Which is kind of funny because I know many women are doing this job, but it makes sense since, you are defined as his helper and you know how managers love to delegate.  But if you divorce, contrary to popular belief, a woman's economic status lowers significantly, while a man's declines less radically. So outside of boyfriend, as a companion, there is no male equivalent for females in the language.

The language itself is tipped in favor for men, just look at the definition for man, it just goes on and on and on with positive reinforcement.  It even covers human without the mention of women.  The etymology for man goes back to Sanskirt word "manu" meaning "human" that is suppose to include the first man and woman, but it quickly heads off in the direction of a man, namely the first king.  One needs to be aware of what is going on so that one does not fall into the trap of attaching oneself to these definitions and labels.  Knowing who you are has nothing to do with language, labels and definitions.  That is a lie that was taught to you.  In keeping women in a mental bondage through definitions, so is the man who adheres to words.  That is why there is a long history of strife and confusion between men and women, but ultimately, is your job to mentally free yourself.

Words, derived from thought, has kept women separate from men and both separate from nature, therefore separate from self and blind to the reality of the world beyond the mental-sphere of words and definitions. "The word," as the men who made up this nonsense might want you to think, is not God, the word is by men, for men.  That is is why God is written, mainly in Christianity, as a HE and a HIM not a SHE and a HER because men wrote it that way.  The etymology of the word God comes from the 6th century Christian Codex Argenteus believed to be derived from the High Old German word "Got" which is derived from the Proto-Indo-European word "ǵhu-tó-m" based on the root "ǵhau(ə)-," which meant either "to call" or "to invoke."  These words were gender neutral and lowercase but during the process of the Christianization of the Germanic peoples from their indigenous Germaic "paganism," the word was made gender specific to be inline with the Christian Church's perception of itself as masculine and written in upper case lettering to established that the Christian Church uppercase God was over the "pagans" lowercase gods.  Note: The word pagan that we so freely used today, was designed by the Christian Church as a derogatory way to separate people who were not considered Christian while taking their traditions, in this case the word "got" and incorporating them into the Church for easier conversion. 

The one called "God" is neither male or female, doesn't need language, is not found outside of you.  God is just another label for something humans do not fully understand, a label that separates us from "ALL and EVERYTHING, seen and unseen," the ONE that is also MANY, including YOU, not separate from you, and that's the TRUTH.

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